In talking with a fellow CPA recently, he said, “I have known many CPA’s who have tried, usually unsuccessfully, to start wealth management firms. “But I know of no others who have done so as successfully as you.”
WOW. This took my breathe away. I closed my eyes and asked myself, “is this what I say to myself about my companies or is it something else?” Over the next few weeks I set my intention to really listen to my inner self-talk. That quiet voice in my head, that seems subtle, but is very persistent (and powerful) in telling me what “it” believes. With much sadness, I began to realize my self-talk wasn’t full of conversations of success and prosperity. Instead, it was a variety of ways to point out to me that I haven’t done enough yet, again! My “should’a, could’a” self was back. That voice inside that says, “Ok, so you have accomplished X, but why not Y?” No different than the voice of my childhood that said, “What an A minus? Why not an A plus?”
I have often read that 80% of success is persistence. I don’t disagree with this, exactly. Personally, I am very persistent, which I know is an essential ingredient to my success. But … and this is a big but… I lighten my load and make my work more joyful, when I manage my self-talk. And so can you.
Your self-talk is a window into your beliefs. And your beliefs create the frame of what is possible for you to create in your life. When you try to create something outside your belief window, the amount of persistence necessary can wreck your family life, take away all your free time and in the process create enough stress to make your physically ill. It can be done, but look at the possible costs, such as lost relationships, torn friendships, and physical illness. All costs that can be avoided if you do the inner work, of discovering and changing your beliefs.
Behavior comes automatically from what we believe, or are convinced is true for us. Working with limiting belief(s) intact leads us to finding changes coming with great effort and us easily falling back into behavior that we have already concluded limits us. A belief that empowers us allows to easily and gracefully behave in ways we want and enjoy.
Unless you have given beliefs some consideration, you are likely more focused on the hard work of getting your job done, whatever that is, such as building a business, running a household, or learning a new skill. You focus on the externality of what is required. Likely, the belief in hard work was imparted to you by your parents and other older relatives. No one ever pointed out, that if you aligned your internal beliefs with what you are trying to accomplish it would be ever so much easier.
It is never too late to make your life easier or more prosperous than it is today. The inner work of changing your beliefs can be hard, but it mostly takes compassion and persistence!
When you begin to inventory and shift your beliefs, bring some compassion to your conversations with yourself. Likely you will find some of your limiting beliefs kind of icky. I know I do. I can easily go from noticing a limiting belief to being angry or disappointed I have it. My first impulse is to keep it hidden and just keep working harder. This is when it is best to bring out your compassion, do the inner work and let it go.
Beliefs exist within you in layers. When you find a self-defeating belief and change it, there is a temptation to say, “glad that is done”, check it off the list, have a glass of champagne and keep going. The trick is to keep observing. To keep noticing. It may be a few days or it may be a few years, but most beliefs come around for us to look at again. It may be a bit different, but often when you really boil it down, it is just another version of same old belief you thought you had conquered. Even if it is the fifth time you have been confronted by a limiting belief, just breathe into it and let it go, again.
Your self-talk and the underlying beliefs are always there, taking you to new levels of success and prosperity, or making it subtly, yet powerfully, more difficult for you to reach your goals.
If you have some limiting beliefs you would like to change, here are a few suggestions I have used in my own life that you might find helpful.
- Discover them. Quiet your mind in meditation or simply sit with your eyes closed a few minutes each day and notice what your self-talk is saying.
- Thank your beliefs. When I find an old belief that no longer serves me, I often say,” Thank you for past service; you are no longer needed here and I wish you well on your journey.” If they persist, I persist. I give them my stern mother voice that clearly says, you are no longer welcome. Then affirm what I do want.
- Use my book, The Intersection of Joy and Money to find and release your old limited money beliefs. You will find dozens of exercises and practices to find and shift limiting beliefs.
- Read Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now.
- Work with a belief coach. My personal favorite is Mort Nicholson, NicholsonPEP.com
- Use the 70 times seven exercise. After you have identified your limiting belief, and its related behavior, affirm your replacement. Here is an example. “I release my belief in lack. I release my need to worry and avoid looking at how money and wealth operates in my life. I am grateful for the abundance and prosperity in my life”. (From Science of Mind Magazine) Do this 70 times a day for seven days.
Change your beliefs and you change your life. Persist in aligning your inner beliefs with the life you want to create and watch it unfold. Yes, it still takes work, but once your beliefs are aligned, they propel you forward, instead of holding you back.